Many people want to build harmonious relationships, but constantly choose destructive partners. What psyche mechanisms determine our choice and how to change them, says a clinical psychologist.
You probably heard about people who are all the time the same partners. There is a feeling that they do not study on the “mistakes of the past”. Why it turns out?
A simple rule acts in choosing a partner: your brain “notices” only that he “knows”, what he is already familiar with. You will not want to live an experience that does not seem to be a native. So, you will not justify an alcoholic if no one has been engaged in your family in your family. And vice versa: if, for example, your mother was in
toxic relationships and at the same time “survived”, then her child will copy this pattern of behavior and probably will be in the same situation.
Continuing to repeat the lessons of the past, we choose lovers similar to each other like two drops of water.
Feeling
We make a fatal choice in favor of partners whose behavior is clear to us and familiar. We can unconsciously catch dangerous signals: for example, to feel that a man is as aggressive as dad. Or prone to manipulations like a mother. Therefore, we are “west” on the partners inappropriate to us – “cling”, sometimes unconsciously, for the elusive feeling that he is so similar to a mother or father.
So the built -in mechanisms of our psyche determine not only the style of our life, but also the choice of the future partner. Go around the “protective blocks” of thinking that make you constantly choose similar partners, it is quite difficult to independently. After all, they built inside us for years.
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